the veil of small talk

I had this friend once who thought it was an infliction, placed upon her by her childhood, to dive deep in a conversation without regards to small talk. She scared people away, she said. She was too deep too soon, she said. And I agreed, small talk is necessary to break the ice.

But I've been thinking of her a lot as of late. I have acquired an avoidance of small talk. There are so many important things in life to discuss, and if I can't get to the heart of the matter...why are we talking?

As I shared this with a true confidant, expressing my frustration with myself much like my friend of old used to do with me, I was surprised to find that I'm not alone in this. She, too, feels like small talk is an unnecessary facade when fellowshipping with other believers. MInTheGap eloquently identifies it as such:

We live in a culture that seldom wears external veils, but we also live in a culture where we each wear a veil every single day. I’m talking about the facade that we all want others to see. We all want others to see our positive traits and not our negatives...

This is especially true in the church today. The one place that we should be free to acknowledge that we are sinners and that we all have common struggles is also the one place that we have to be the most perfect. Our kids can’t be bad, our hair cannot be messed up, we must have on our best clothes and makeup...

My confidant, being the insightful gal that she is, put it into simple terms as well. When it is understood that both participants in a conversation follow Christ (otherwise known as believers) is it not much better to encourage one another and build each other up? (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

When I was in elementary school, I must have been ten-ish, my sister was out of town and her car stopped working. We were broke, and didn't have the $200 it would take to get her home to safety. Our time to pray with our mother was at night, before bed, and she encouraged us all to pray for the money we needed to rescue our sister. She would come to each of our rooms and pray with us, so night after night we added a prayer for our sister's situation at the end of our regular prayers (i.e. my brother always said at the end of his prayer, "I love you, Jesus.")

One day we were dropped off at home from school, and each of us had an identical envelope in the mailbox (four in all: for me, two of my sisters, and my little brother). Inside were letters, written on red lined paper, each with a short message, signed by Jesus, with a verse at the bottom. And fifty dollars. In each one. And my brother's has a P.S.- I love you, too, David.

An awesome story, yes, but why do I bring it up as I rant about the lack of depth in conversations with people that I consider friends? The verse on my letter was the very same verse I quoted above. I didn't recognize it until I saw the address and thought, "Oh yeah! This is *my* verse." Ever since that letter from Jesus arrived I've wondered how 1 Thessalonians 5:11 pertained to me. The second part of it always threw me off ("...just as you are doing").

So I have a new mission. Obviously the Lord thinks I could be good at "encouraging one another and building each other up," so I will. When I encounter small talk, I'll small talk my way right into your heart with an encouraging word. With the help of the Holy Spirit, that is. Because I *know* I can't do it myself.

I'm afraid of being: The Invisible Woman

This is powerful. Simple, amazingly sad, but true (for so many of us). I mentally fought against the idea the entire time I was reading until the (second to) last paragraph. Here's a snippet, but thanks to Barbara Curtis from mommylife.net, the source has been found. You can follow the link at the bottom to read it all.

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals.
We cannot be seen if we're doing it right.

By Nicole Johnson

It started to happen gradually …

One day I was walking my son Jake to school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, "Who is that with you, young fella?"

"Nobody," he shrugged.

Nobody? The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, "Oh my goodness, nobody?"

I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something to my family - like "Turn the TV down, please" - and nothing would happen. Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder, "Would someone turn the TV down?" Nothing.

Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, "I'm ready to go when you are." He just kept right on talking.

That's when I started to put all the pieces together. I don't think he can see me. I don't think anyone can see me.

I'm invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

Here's the rest...

Dogs vs. Children: only in America

This is unbelievable...as America decides that children are an unimportant part of marriage- dogs are just fine, thank you- a Russian governor urges couples to play hooky & hook up (I couldn't resist):

Skip work, make babies, says Russian governor

Wed Sep 12, 6:02 AM ET

The governor of a central Russian province urged couples to skip work on Wednesday and make love instead to help boost Russia's low birth-rate.

And if a woman gives birth in exactly nine months time -- on Russia's national day on June 12 -- she will qualify for a prize, perhaps even winning a new home.

WORLD magazine reported in their July 21st publication:

Pew found that only 41 percent of Americans now view having children as "very important" to a successful marriage, down from 65 percent in 1990.

Faithfulness, at 93 percent, topped the list of key marriage ingredients, followed by happy s*xual relationships at 70 percent. But even sharing household chores (at 62 percent) and earning an "adequate" income (at 53 percent) beat out having children. Out of nine options given, having children came in eighth. Only the importance of spouses agreeing on politics drew less support.

The talk of the town has been that Seattle has more dogs than children. From the Seattle Times:

There are about 125,000 dogs in Seattle, going by both the Seattle Animal Shelter's estimate and an independent analysis by The Seattle Times.

In the 2000 census, there were fewer than 90,000 children in Seattle.

But to be fair:

This says more about the number of children in Seattle, which has fewer households with children than any other large city besides San Francisco. There are a lot of students and other young people here, plus childless professionals putting in long hours, and a sizable gay and lesbian population. Houses are either too small or too expensive for most families with children. The dog numbers are actually pretty average. One in three households has a dog.

So overall, birthrates are down, but most Americans think nothing of it. In fact, most people I pass think I'm crazy for having more than 2.1 children (the newest statistical average). I mostly get wide-eyed looks and often get comments. One woman in particular stands out as saying, "Boy have you been busy procreating!" (I guess it was better than being called a breeder- see the Christianity Today article here). We get made fun of, we get the old line about over-population, we get dirty looks, but whose going to take care of all those people when they get older? It won't be there dogs, that's for sure.

In 20 years we'll be a free country with "labor shortages, fewer buyers in the future to prop up stock and real estate prices, [and] a dearth of customers for business." Barbara Dafoe Whitehead of National Marriage Project says, "The popular culture is increasingly oriented to fulfilling the X*rated fantasies and desires of adults. Childrearing values--sacrifices, stability, dependability, maturity--seem stale and musty by comparison."

And just for kicks, here's a line graph by Steve Sailer (I didn't want to read it all either):

Ht: mommylife

while I'm gone...

Seek His Strength

Seek the Lord, and His strength: seek His face evermore.
PSALMS 105:4

O JESUS CHRIST, grow Thou in me,
And all things else recede;
My heart be daily nearer Thee,
From sin be daily freed.

Make this poor self grow less and less,
Be Thou my life and aim;
Oh, make me daily, through Thy grace,
More worthy of Thy name.
J. C. LAVATER

AS, on rising, we should hear Him saying to us, "Take this yoke upon thee, my child, today," "Bear this burden for me and with me today," so, before retiring to rest, and collecting our mind for our evening prayer, it were well to put these questions to our conscience, "Have I, in a single instance this day, denied myself either in temper or appetite, and so submitted myself to the Saviour's yoke?" And again, "Have I, in a single instance, shown sympathy or considerateness for others, borne with their faults or infirmities of character, given time or taken trouble to help them, or be of use to them?" If so, I have gained ground; I have made an advance in the mind of Christ today, if it be only a single step. Let me thank God, and take courage. A single step is so much clear gain.
EDWARD MEYRICK GOULBURN

I'll be on the road for approximately 62 hours in the next month. Pray for us.

Our Romance

On the topic of worship music, I'd like to introduce you to my favorite song. I have sung it several times while attending/visiting Victory Assembly, but that's the only time and place I'd ever heard it. While I was looking up the lyrics the other day for Hosanna! I came across this media player, and was so excited to have found it I immediately bought the song from itunes. I've listened to (and worshiped with) the song 17 times since then. (Make sure you click on My Romance when you follow the link to the media player.)

Worship is a most special communion between our Betrothed and our spirits. Rebecca Groothius, in her essay titled "Let’s Put Worship Back in the Worship Service" s says this:

[T]he worship service is a symbolic acting-out of what should be to the soul an ongoing inner reality. As our relationship with God is celebrated in this way, it is confirmed and established in our thoughts and our lives.

When we come to church in order to worship, we come to desire and enjoy God for whom he is, rather than merely for what we can receive from him. We come first to bless the Lord, and secondarily to be blessed by him.

In a culture that focuses on self-expression, worship is readily perceived merely as an expression of our feelings about God and what he has done or can do for us. The other side of worship—that of God making himself known to us—often goes unacknowledged. [W]hen we worship God according to a true knowledge of God, our spirits are opened to receive a further revelation of who God is and how he loves us. As our knowledge of God increases, so does our desire to worship him.

Worship is an intermingling, and this song beautifully conveys that image, praising God all the while.

My Romance

Look at the way the flowers bloom for You
They want to show You their beauty Lord
Running waters dance, You and I romance

Chorus:

Unto You be all the glory.
Unto You be all the glory (repeat)

Bridge:

The angels dance around You
The earth it sings about You
Open up the heavens Lord
Let Your Kingdom come to earth

My praises all surround you
My soul can't dance without you
Open up the heavens Lord
Let Your kingdom come to earth

And if that wasn't enough, I've begun rereading Ted Dekker's Circle trilogy, which I *highly* recommend. It's Narnia-esque, with talking animals, a great journey, and the reconciling of man to God. It masterfully, creatively, beautifully depicts God's love for us, and our surrendering to Him- the Great Romance. It's "adrenaline laced...packed with unexpected plot twists, unforgettable characters, and incredible confrontations between good and evil."

Hosanna!

It means "Save Now!"
I understand this sentiment. Not in the usual "salvation of Jesus" way.
I am "saved" in Christianese, but "save now!" is immediate, it's not for the future of life & death.
It is "save now!" or I will not make it tomorrow.

Life has been harder than ever lately. Really, harder than being pregnant and alone, harder than being (pregnant and) broke. In those hard times I knew, I *knew* everything was going to be alright.

But lately?

I recently realized that it was considerably easy to choose to follow Christ and turn away from my sin. Physical, blaring sin, that is. It was easy to say, ok, no more pot, no more immodesty, no more this, no more that. It was a physical thing/habit/ etc that I put away and did no more. It was easy to mark off the check-list and say, "Now I'm good."

But lately?

It hasn't been so much about the outside, but *all* about the inside, and that is not an easy place to have remodeled. Especially when there are 4 little rascals running (or crawling) around. I could speculate why it all happened, what started the moodiness, the hormonal changes, the lack of patience, the reactionary mothering, but what it really all boils down to is that I am *not* good, and I need Jesus with me right now, today, saving me, my husband and my precious little [rascals] from my horrible no-good sinful self. Somehow the blackness creeped back in. Or maybe it was never really gone.

But lately...

God has been pursuing it- bringing it out into the open, showing me what I really am, breaking down the pretense of what I thought I was, or tried to be, and it is *hard*. Harder than anything I've ever gone through before (which is saying a lot if you ask me).

And yesterday we sang a song, Hosanna!, and it brought me emotionally to my knees. It confirmed within me that I am not making up the heaviness of my situation, but that God will indeed "save now!" Here's the song:

Praise is rising, eyes are turning to You, we turn to You
Hope is stirring, hearts are yearning for You, we long for You
'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day
In Your Presence all our fears are washed away, washed away

Hosanna, hosanna
You are the God Who saves us, worthy of all our praises
Hosanna, hosanna
Come have Your way among us
We welcome You here, Lord Jesus

Hear the sound of hearts returning to You, we turn to You
In Your Kingdom broken lives are made new, You make us new
'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day
In Your Presence all our fears are washed away, washed away

Hosanna, hosanna
You are the God Who saves us, worthy of all our praises
Hosanna, hosanna
Come have Your way among us
We welcome You here, Lord Jesus

'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day
In Your Presence all our fears are washed away
'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day
In Your Presence all our fears are washed away, washed away

Hosanna, hosanna
You are the God Who saves us, worthy of all our praises
Hosanna, hosanna
Come have Your way among us
We welcome You here, Lord Jesus
(Repeat)
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna, hosanna

And for all you auditory/visual learners, here's the (layman's) video:

Happy Independence Day!

I picked up this picture at Home Ec 101. It makes me smile, considering we won't get to see a nice display this year. Little Rock, Arkansas is the best place for that.

basting

I couldn't find my baster to paint the bbq tofu with...
so baby girl & I had a little fun.

a ha ha ha ha

The Self-Esteem Theory

A stranger complimented me today. She said, in her beautiful, accented voice, "You look so hip. You look like you're from Europe." I said thank you, and promptly stuck that one in my back pocket. I got into the car and wondered why the kind words from a stranger meant something to me.

For a while now public schools have been criticized because self-esteem has become one of their new pet topics. The church we used to attend (dubbed 1st Critical by my hubby) used to criticize the "ridiculous" exercises teachers were "forced" to go through to make sure they didn't criticize a student in a negative or harsh way (or dent the child's can, as my drama teacher, Mrs. Unkenholz, used to say). Some say teachers shouldn't be bothered with this kind of esteem building in children, but I realized today why it might be more important than the hyper-critical think. (So begins my underdeveloped theory...)

As I understand history, my generation raised more fatherless children than any before it. Father's left the home, mother's worked hard, and much of the time praise and encouragement didn't make it into the conversation. From a girl's perspective, this meant growing up without that special bond God intended between girls and their daddies, and it dwindled down the dynamic between girls and their mothers. It was detrimental to a child's healthy understanding of who they were and where they belonged. In order for their self-esteem to develop many kids found themselves misplacing the longed for attention and approval of their parents into the hands of friends and/or the opposite sex. And oh, the chaos this caused!

It's entirely possible that my fellow, fatherless friends are now members of the school board, making policy, and making sure that children get encouragement instead of criticism. They acknowledge many children aren't receiving it at home, therefore teachers are admonished to pay enough attention to their students in order to encourage them when appropriate. It seems natural, acceptable, and harmless to me.

Teachers should never replace a parent's role in giving a child praise, encouragement, direction, or purpose, but they sure can help. Let the children get all the praise and encouragement due them. They are created in the image of God, after all.

And quite possibly, when they're my age, they won't walk around with kind words from strangers stuck in their back pockets (for future reference, of course).

'Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus

A couple of quotes that resonated recently:

From Joy & Strength:

WHAT we should do is really, very often, to be still. And if we want something to make us more active and energetic, watchful and holy, I know but one thought, that is faith,--faith producing love. More trust and confidence and joy in God would be the secret--the only true or successful secret--of more goodness. And this should come quietly and calmly, not in great effort; this kingdom of God has come not with observation. Rest and quiet growth are what you want.
JAMES HINTON

From Central Covenant Affirmations:

WE know that by nature we have no good in us. If there is to be any good in us, it must be brought about by God. To this end the word of God is the powerful means, since faith must be enkindled through the gospel.. . .The more at home the word of God is among us, the more we shall bring about faith and its fruits.
PHILIPP JAKOB SPENCER

Worth Repeating:

The More at Home the Word of God Is Among Us,
The More We Shall Bring About Faith and its Fruits.

my chair

I've found a chair that my living room claims it can't live without. My living room tells me that it is the *perfect* chair, a beautiful chair, and one that will be amazingly practical for holding two full grown babies on my lap for story time (much better than squeezing onto a toddler bed, don't you think?).

It's going to float out in the middle of the room, facing our couch so when we have company, I won't have to sit sideways on my couch in order to see their lovely faces. It doesn't have arms, which make the floating abundantly more flowing, allowing your eye to skim right around the room without being rudely interrupted by bulky, overbearing arms.

Obviously the design of my living room with this added chair is only speculative, seeing as I come no where close to being all that great at interior designing (that's why I read Mark Cutler's blog, who, by the way, answered my question about wicker for me *in a post of it's own*). And the buying of this awesomely cool chair is only wishful thinking, of course, because wanting and having are two distinctly different "ings."

Honestly, it was one of those things that you didn't know you needed until you saw it. But I saw it. Now I want it, and I need to bury the idea until the time is right.

Easier said than done.

an innovative solution to the "sneaking food" problem

My babies...the ones that can walk, talk, and throw fits, have been sneaking food on a daily basis. They'll wake up at 5 am, open the fridge, and take out whatever their little hearts desire. Lately it's been the (buy one get one free) all natural hotdogs from Wild Oats. These puppies are delicious, expensive, and do *not* under any circumstances belong on the floor half eaten.

It's one thing for them to get food out because they are hungry and eat what they find, but they take food and play with it. Yesterday it was the buns, all torn up into little pieces. Last week it was chocolate muffins (eaten, yes, but with a million little crumbs all over the bed, floors, pillows, etc). One morning they got a new pack of hotdogs out, the three year old cut the pack open, and then proceeded to cut the dogs up into 1 inch pieces and throw them behind her bed. Why? Only Heaven knows. We *do* follow the recommendations of the If-Then chart if you are concerned that we don't adequately discipline our children. We do. Begrudgingly sometimes, but we do.

So last night, after disciplining sweet number two for the millionth time for this repeat offense (this time it was a scoop of sour cream...with her hand), my husband devised a plan. Have free gun locks? Don't have a gun? I bet you have a refrigerator!

Elizabeth Elliot on Fashion

In response to the fluffiness of the last two posts about fashion I present to you what made it's way to my inbox this am:

The Right Clothes

Only certain costumes suit Christians. To be otherwise dressed is inappropriate.

"Put on the garments that suit God's chosen people, his own, his beloved: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience" (Col 3:12 NEB).

"Put on the Lord Jesus Christ." (Rom 13:14 RSV)

"You have all put on Christ as a garment." (Gal 3:27 NEB)

"You must put on the new nature of God's creating." (Eph 4:24 NEB)

"You have discarded the old nature with its deeds and have put on the new nature." (Col 3:10 NEB)

"Put on love." (Col 3:14 RSV)

The clothes we wear are what people see. Only God can look on the heart. The outward signs are important. They reveal something of what is inside. If charity is there, it will become visible outwardly, but if you have no charitable feelings, you can still obey the command. Put it on as simply and consciously as you put on a coat. You choose it; you pick it up; you put it on. This is what you want to wear.

Do you want to dress like a Christian? Put on Christ. The act of honest obedience--the fruit of love for Christ--is your part. Making you Christlike through and through is his part.

________________________________________________________________

Click on the picture above to sign up for this (and other) devotionals to come to your inbox. I personally enjoy "Joy and Strength" even more than Elizabeth Elliot's. It is very bible centered, short, and almost always speaks to the character of the Christ follower.

Tanks

It gets hotter and hotter everyday here in the desert, and while doin' what I do in my house during the day, I wear as little as possible (which is usually a skirt and a tank). I picked up these higher cut tanks at the mall today for $6 each! Now I have one for every (casual) day of the week (although I really got the white one to wear as an under-tank). Hurray for great prices :)

A New Dynamic

My seven-year-old has flown out of the coop and been gone for a week (which gives me more time to blog), and the dynamic in our house has changed dramatically! Before, there was bickering, boredom, and blues, but with the oldest gone, my two middle children are happy to creatively play with each other for long periods of time.

One of the goals I listed to complete before his return was to get at least four weeks of lesson planning done. I mentioned our new curriculum, and I have been so excited to have daily plans that will keep him busy. Too busy to bother the babies. Too busy to interrupt their special "we're-only-16-months-apart" dynamic. Not doing "busy work," of course, but we are finally stemming away from the three 'R's and getting into more lengthy lessons. Hurray!

Team work! I'm a proud mama.

A reNEWed Interest

I'm really getting in to some of the fashion blogs out there in the blog-world, and even one "interior design" blog, which I've linked to on my side-bar. Those of you who knew me in my teenage days know that I loved clothes. My senior year in high school I never wore the same outfit twice* (with a nod to the old-school Goodwill prices). Even in junior high, little ole me was nominated for best dressed (a scantily clad beauty won the award though...wonder who was voting for *her*). Since my third precious child came along, I've not had the money or the body to "wear what I want," so fashion has fallen to the way-side as I've focused on more practical things like groceries, diapers, clean counters, vacuumed floors, scrubbed toilets, Starbucks...you get the picture.

But then I found Rebecca's blog. It amazes me how much impact it's had on my little life. It sparked life back into my creative self, allowing me to focus a little more on *me*. It sounds selfish, but it feels healthy. It's nice to walk out the door knowing I look my best (which still isn't great, or perfect, or where I want to be).
And it's fun to see pictures of the fun outfits others have created. Thriftyspend has pictures up almost everyday. Here's a pic of her "day job"...looks familiar doesn't it!

*this is really something to be proud of, huh?

another fly-by post

I came across a couple of comics from the one-and-only "homeschooling" blog I've been reading lately. Pretty funny:

Brothers on Mother's Day

This cracked. me. up. I love a good laugh, so I'm sharin'...

Remembering Mothers

By the time the Lord made woman, He was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, "Why are you spending so much time on this one?" And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart - and she will do everything with only two hands."

The angel was astounded at the requirements. "Only two hands!? No way! And that's just on the standard model? That's too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish." "But I won't," the Lord protested. "I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days." The angel moved closer and touched the woman. "But you have made her so soft, Lord." "She is soft," the Lord agreed, "but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish." "Will she be able to think?" asked the angel. The Lord replied, "Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate."

The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek. "Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one." "That's not a leak," the Lord corrected, "that's a tear!" "What's the tear for?" the angel asked. The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief and her pride." The angel was impressed. "You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing."

And she is! Women have strengths that [should] amaze men. They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up to injustice. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

{and then the cheesiest part}
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN, IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

I agree with it all. Maybe we don't keep the world turning around, but we definitely make the world a better place for men, other women, and children.

My definition of "feminist" is simple. Women are beautiful, unique, intelligent, and loved by God. We are very important to Him, vital, I should say, and anyone who thinks or treats a woman as inferior or a second class citizen (which I have experienced recently) is out of touch with what God does through women. That said, it's all about God and His love for us, and His opinion. We can argue about 1 Timothy and Titus 2 all day, but it comes down to our Father, and what He calls us to do and be. I am a daughter of the King, not a handmaiden to the son's of God.