Hosanna!

It means "Save Now!"
I understand this sentiment. Not in the usual "salvation of Jesus" way.
I am "saved" in Christianese, but "save now!" is immediate, it's not for the future of life & death.
It is "save now!" or I will not make it tomorrow.

Life has been harder than ever lately. Really, harder than being pregnant and alone, harder than being (pregnant and) broke. In those hard times I knew, I *knew* everything was going to be alright.

But lately?

I recently realized that it was considerably easy to choose to follow Christ and turn away from my sin. Physical, blaring sin, that is. It was easy to say, ok, no more pot, no more immodesty, no more this, no more that. It was a physical thing/habit/ etc that I put away and did no more. It was easy to mark off the check-list and say, "Now I'm good."

But lately?

It hasn't been so much about the outside, but *all* about the inside, and that is not an easy place to have remodeled. Especially when there are 4 little rascals running (or crawling) around. I could speculate why it all happened, what started the moodiness, the hormonal changes, the lack of patience, the reactionary mothering, but what it really all boils down to is that I am *not* good, and I need Jesus with me right now, today, saving me, my husband and my precious little [rascals] from my horrible no-good sinful self. Somehow the blackness creeped back in. Or maybe it was never really gone.

But lately...

God has been pursuing it- bringing it out into the open, showing me what I really am, breaking down the pretense of what I thought I was, or tried to be, and it is *hard*. Harder than anything I've ever gone through before (which is saying a lot if you ask me).

And yesterday we sang a song, Hosanna!, and it brought me emotionally to my knees. It confirmed within me that I am not making up the heaviness of my situation, but that God will indeed "save now!" Here's the song:

Praise is rising, eyes are turning to You, we turn to You
Hope is stirring, hearts are yearning for You, we long for You
'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day
In Your Presence all our fears are washed away, washed away

Hosanna, hosanna
You are the God Who saves us, worthy of all our praises
Hosanna, hosanna
Come have Your way among us
We welcome You here, Lord Jesus

Hear the sound of hearts returning to You, we turn to You
In Your Kingdom broken lives are made new, You make us new
'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day
In Your Presence all our fears are washed away, washed away

Hosanna, hosanna
You are the God Who saves us, worthy of all our praises
Hosanna, hosanna
Come have Your way among us
We welcome You here, Lord Jesus

'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day
In Your Presence all our fears are washed away
'Cause when we see You, we find strength to face the day
In Your Presence all our fears are washed away, washed away

Hosanna, hosanna
You are the God Who saves us, worthy of all our praises
Hosanna, hosanna
Come have Your way among us
We welcome You here, Lord Jesus
(Repeat)
Hosanna, hosanna
Hosanna, hosanna

And for all you auditory/visual learners, here's the (layman's) video: