Monday, March 27, 2006

Don't Stress Your Baby Out!

I found an article that explains the reason response time is important to babies (when they cry). With 28 citations I believe this woman knows the subject she is discussing. I have wondered recently if babies (who then grow to become toddlers) are affected by how quickly a mother is able to soothe them after they begin to cry. I have always been a believer in, "You can't spoil a baby until at least 6 months." I know all children are different, but before 6 months children *need* their mama's to respond to their cries. I was told with my first that you couldn't spoil him until he was one. I believed it, and lived it out, and was fortunate enough that I *didn't* spoil him according to male book writers and uninvolved opinion swayers in the 70's. They taught us that a mother should let her babe "cry it out" and ignore the poor babe's only way to communicate (Sears). These men would whole heartedly disagree with the way I nurtured my son- what with him even sleeping in the bed with me! But spoiled he is not. He is a beautiful child- a tender hearted 6 year old, indeed- no signs of spoiling, for sure. So my point? What is natural for so many mother's ("Oh my baby is crying! I must soothe him!") is a scientifically proven good thing for women's as well as babies hormones. See:

Stress in Infancy

9 thoughts:

Melzie said...

Hey girl stopped by your blog say thanks for visiting mine :) Its funny you said dont get we didnt get a thing done but playdoh today LOL. But he was fine with it. I found him some very basic (and on clearance) workbooks today he loves those and stickers.

Ok and when I got here..and saw SCRABBLE yay I am a scrabble freak :) I have scrabble coffee mugs, scrabble soup mugs, a scrabble towel, and someday I want to make a scrabble quilt. Congrats on your bargain! Come visit again soon xoxo melzie And hmm for blogspot I dunno how to change that to my new blog LOL so youre getting a link to my old blog. Who knows once I hit 30 I became a fogie in the tech world :)

Celi said...

I actually read and printed out this article. Granted, there really isn't time to read all of it but it did have some interesting facts. As a young parent myself I must admit that I did let my son "cry it out" when he was a baby. Although, I regret starting this when he was very young I must tell you that this was the only way I could get him to sleep. I've told you this numerous times but it seems that everywhere I turn someone is sticking it in my face that I did wrong by him by allowing him to "cry it out". There is no room for regrets. I too have a beautiful son who is far from spoiled but so very busy that it is mandatory for me to stop him in order for him to eat as well as sleep. Because he is being stopped in the middle of his many adventures and told to nap, of course he cries. Does he cry for an hour, of course not! However, in the end he sleeps which also is very important. If I were to tend to him everytime he started crying my son would never sleep. Then as a result, his being "overtired" would be nothing but incessant crying and frustration on both of our parts. I would be interested to hear what both sides have to say about this issue.

magnolia's mama said...

First, let’s realize that we are taking part in the “great conversation” on different parenting philosophies. What is most important to me is that our babies are given the care they need to not just have life, but have it abundantly. God has called us to raise up each one of these blessings for *Him*, and I think it best to search out the way that will grow them up to be emotionally healthy as well as with physical health.
Second, I think their there are different definitions of “spoiling.” There is the typical kind, where the child is given everything it wants, it’s fits are given into, and it becomes a rotten child to be around. Another type of spoiling must come from the “cry it out” crowd. It isn’t the child-gets-everything-he-wants syndrome; it is a completely different no-one-thinks-I’m-all-too-important syndrome. Neither do we want for our children. People might think I am spoiling my 1 year old. I pick him up or at least tend to him when he needs me, and I try to please him (with out giving in to his fits). I do *not* believe this will spoil him, but I believe it will strengthen our relationship and let him know that he can trust me to be there when he needs me (even when he’s 17). I believe it is best for our babies when we respond as quickly as we can to their cries. This is what I believe the article I posted backed up- that it is good for our babies, even on a hormonal level, *but it is good for mom’s, too.*
Celi, I have several things to say in response to your comment. First, if everywhere you look you see something about not letting your babe cry it out, this is probably not a coincidence. It is either the Holy Spirit which you best not ignore, or your nagging friend, moi. Second, I know about regrets, because I let Magnolia cry it out and it broke our relationship to pieces. She was constantly terrified I would leave her, she was terrified of getting emotionally close to me, and only by the grace of God has our relationship been restored. I regret it even today, and know that you can *learn* from regrets. I am doing things differently with my 1 year old and am trying to encourage others to do the same.
Third, and on a much more sensitive topic, I never knew you couldn’t get Michael to sleep, and felt like you had to let him cry it out. What happened? Why wouldn’t he go to sleep? Was this after you weaned him or when he was a teeny babe? I have never experienced any problems getting my nursing babes to sleep, so I’d like to understand a bit more clearly why he had so much trouble. Was he sick like my sister's babe?
God’s grace to us all. He is teaching me so much! More to be posted on that soon…

magnolia's mama said...

Melzie! I'm glad you stopped by. It's nice to see visitors! Boy are you *old* whew! I don't think I can have a friend so granny-like! (*just* kidding. I'm turning 26 and tease my husband [whose 32] about what a babe I am--without the double meaning, although...never mind. I won't go there.)

Celi said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Celi said...

Let me start by saying that not a day goes by before I thank God for giving me the opportunity to be your friend. It is a blessing to know and grow with someone who possesses similar biblical beliefs to my own. However, we do have our differences.
In regards to our beliefs with this particular article: I believe you and I are running down two parallel paths both following the same direction but neither touching base.

In regards to my son, there is nothing "wrong" with him by any means. He is a normal and very intelligent little boy. In fact, there are other God-fearing mothers whom I have met who have children similar to him. One is an elders wife at our church who taught our last women's bible study on parenting. Her oldest son had similar behavior to my own and she informed me that she had to allow him to cry himself to sleep. This was the only way he would sleep! I consider this woman to be a wonderful example of a good God-fearing parent and if my son turns out to be similar in personality to her own than that is a prayer answered. Also, look to our other elders wife and pastor's wife (another beautiful God-fearing wife and parent) who told me that if you have bathed, changed, rocked your child and to no avail he is still crying it is perfectly okay to allow him to cry himself to sleep. These women are good examples of Titus 2:3-5 Giving sound advise from their own experiences to a younger woman of God. Are these women not lead by the Holy Spirit?
You stated: First, if everywhere you look you see something about not letting your babe cry it out, this is probably not a coincidence. It is either the Holy Spirit which you best not ignore, or your nagging friend, moi.
The only person beside yourself who has informed me of Sears philosophy is my mother and sister, who are not God fearing. So is the Holy Spirit speaking through them? Or through the sound advise of the elder women of our church?

Let me clarify that in recieving your email, dear sister, I was thankful for it. For your thoughts of me and my family. It was printed and read in small incraments (as the needs of my children do not allow me to read it in its entirity in one sitting, God bless them) There was a lot of good advise. Some of it I already do, and some of it I am planning to do but some of it I didn't agree with biblically or otherwise. I think you and I are more similar in our parenting beliefs than either of us realize. I don't think nor have ever thought that you spoil Ezra. Nor do I think I purposefully neglect the needs of my own son. Our sons, similar in age, have two different personalities which are wonderful examples of our different parenting styles. They are beautiful, lovable and smart boys. Praise God for that.

magnolia's mama said...

I never meant to imply that your son is not *normal*, I'm sorry if my words hurt you. Like I said,I've never experienced it, nor have any of my nieces or nephews. I didn't mean to offend you, and certainly didnt mean to imply that your son's behavior is abnormal. Please understand that it broke my heart to have broken my relationship with Magnolia, and I seek only to warn other mother's that emotionally damaging your children is entirely possible (even when you think you are doing the right thing). Ultimately, we *must* be led by the Spirit, and I will post on this in the near future, for it is something that God is clearly teaching me about. Praise God! that in our church we do have these God-fearing, Titus 2 women. I would listen to them over me (or your family) any day- even over Dr. Sears! God has blessed us greatly at our precious little church.

Celi said...

I understand what you are trying to say. And it is good advise. In fact, I myself make more of an effort to tend to my babies when they first start crying and I've noticed a wonderful difference. I appreciate you sharing what you learn. It is valuable information. Unfortunately, sometimes Michael will be so preoccupied I have to interrupt him to sleep: so he cries. This however, has improved greatly overtime and he rarely cries at naptime anymore. It is a blessing to share what lessons we learn though God's hand. I'm glad you have the faith and strength to do so in such an open foremat.
P.S. I know you didn't imply anything negative pertaining to my son. My apologies if my comment presented as such.

magnolia's mama said...

Just so you know, I wasn't even thinking of your precious son when I emailed you and posted this. Love you!